When they turn, are they eternally trapped in a state of puberty? Think about it…endless puberty…could anything possibly be more horrendous? I think not.
So, just as any other normal person would do under the circumstances, I got busy drawing a poignant series of undead preteens and paired them with clipped text from the sex education manual along with other odd bits of text I’ve snipped from old magazines and books. I’m presenting the resulting art cards here as a helpful teaching tool for both the prepubescent undead as well as adults who need guidance about this crucial subject. Let me start with a definition:
Puberty: The stage in the development of humans and other primates marked by the development of secondary sex characteristics, including menarche in females. In humans, puberty occurs at the onset of adolescence, causing individuals to become physiologically capable of sexual reproduction.
Clearly there’s been a grievous omission in the above definition. Yes, humans and primates are affected, but what about vampires and zombies? Just because the walking dead may be in a state of continual rotting, with limbs cracking off and dropping here and there as they drag themselves around, doesn’t mean they don’t deserve our pity, compassion, attention, and guidance.
As any adult can attest, puberty can be traumatic; even more so if you’re undead and on the continual verge of an adulthood that, cruelly, never arrives. Since their undead parents are, no doubt, concerned with little more than searching for their next cannibalistic snack, who can these poor adolescents turn to? Who will answer their inevitable “birds and bees” questions? Can you seriously tell me you’re willing to turn your back on these poor, decaying juveniles? After all, it’s not their fault they’re undead now, is it?
I ask you…is that not heart wrenching?
As a prolific, bestselling writer I could easily claim to be too busy crafting happily-ever-after romance stories to take the time or trouble to be a humanitarian, but I’m just not built that way. That, dear readers, is how I, Daisy Dexter Dobbs, became Super Earthling. In my ongoing quest to serve humanity, the alive and thriving as well as the undead, I hereby pledge to counsel every single vampire and zombie adolescent with whom I come in contact.
The guidelines I’ve developed here are compassionate, reassuring, comforting and, of course, technically accurate.
Ever altruistic, I’ve decided to post my art card guide here so that you too can do your part, the next time you find yourself in the company of the prepubescent undead. Granted, some of the descriptions are graphic and disturbing, but I find it’s necessary to give these poor rotting creatures a crash course in what happens to their bodies…before the body parts in question fall off.
Finally, with teen pregnancy often being glorified these days, I took my responsibility seriously when it came to detailing the gritty truth about what happens to females during the birthing process…
That fact is enough to warn any female, regardless of age, dead or alive, away from naked hanky-panky because the results of careless poking around can result in something akin to a watermelon passing through a hole the size of a piece of elbow macaroni.
Won’t you join me in my quest to educate these poor young people about their changing bodies? Remember, it’s not their fault that they’re vampires or zombies, so please don’t shun them if you see them on the street snacking on one of your neighbors. Never forget…compassion is key.
Today you learned the importance of sympathy and understanding when it comes to those less fortunate, and you learned how to skillfully address the often sensitive subject of puberty--even though you may be drained of blood or eaten by a grateful student should things go terribly awry.
With sincere gratitude for doing your part,
--Daisy Dexter Dobbs a/k/a Super Earthling…roger wilco, over and out
NOTE: If this post brought a smile to your day, please SHARE it and help spread the word to everyone on the planet about Daisy and Super Earthling. Thanks!
(Keep up to date with Daisy’s book news on her Facebook page!)