Please relax. Everything is okay. There is nothing to fear. I am a friendly alien. My name is The Great Shpotted Waxoolythub. You may call me Shpots for short. I am an emissary from the planet Threadshpot.
I am here to set your mind at ease regarding your human blogging friend, Super Earthling. I assure you that we Threadshpotonians are not deceptive human flesh eaters like another of Super Earthling’s alien friends, Eegore.
The Threadshpotonians have whisked Super Earthling away (it sounds much more benevolent than abducted) to a secure and secluded encampment on our friendly planet, where miners mine for chocolate rather than gold.
This action became necessary so that she can focus exclusively on her writing. Don’t worry, we have provided her with copious amounts of coffee and chocolates to help nourish her creative juices.
As you may remember, Super Earthling has tested positive for the dreaded procrastination gene, a heinous genetic disorder that has wreaked havoc throughout her tiny brain. Earth presented far too many distractions, causing her to spend a ridiculous amount of time procrastinating on Facebook, Twitter, and watching inane reality TV shows like Here Comes Honey Boo Boo (seriously, Earthlings, what is wrong with you?), when she should have been writing. You can see that removing Super Earthling from Earth was our only recourse.
While Super Earthling has been eager to draw new images for her blog, we have prevented her from doing so because it is counterproductive to her writing goals. We have regimented her every waking hour so that when she is not sleeping or writing, she is counteracting the effects of all the Threadshpotonian chocolate she’s been eating by doing this:
And plenty of this:
We will return Super Earthling to her home planet when we are satisfied with her writing progress.
-- The Great Shpotted Waxoolythub (a/k/a Shpots)…roger wilco, over and out