Foolidaria, the Weird and Ugly, Fat and Skinny, Orange Robosexual with a Heart of Gold

Once upon a time, a robot named Foolidaria was created.

Inside her chest cavity beat a central sensor core of pure gold.

Foolidaria was extra special because she was equipped with the ability to feel and express emotion. She chose to feel happy as often as robotically possible.

Foolidaria loved the data ingestion part of her day because she wanted to be the smartest robot in the neighborhood! Since she’d been created with a data bank control system twice the capacity of the other cyber-kids on the block, her goal was a real possibility.

Unfortunately, some of the other robot kids in the neighborhood were real cyberholes--like Greenutz and his cyberbully pal, Blootool. They’d also had emotion chips inserted into their system boards upon creation, but theirs had obviously become twisted and corroded. It seemed they had also lost the ability, or perhaps the desire, to ingest or interpret data. They were very bad, very stupid robots.

They picked on Foolidaria and called her names like Know-it-All, and they said Foolidaria was a stupid name. She didn’t mind that so much, but they also said things about her that she didn’t understand. Things that made the robots who were followers of Blootool and Greenutz laugh and point and ridicule her.

Even though Foolidaria was intimidated and afraid of Blootool and Greenutz, she really hated the way they picked on weaker robots and made them cower and cry. She just couldn’t let that happen, so she did her best to protect the other robots when they were bullied.

That made Blootool and Greenutz so angry they drooled battery acid.

They picked on Foolidaria even more and told everyone else they’d better laugh at her too unless they wanted a joint-crushing cyber-bashing. Blootool and Greenutz had maintained just enough data to be able to hurl cruelties using big words, like telling Foolidaria she was weird and ugly because, unlike them, she had an orange exterior, and she was created with ambiguous external genitalia. She was fat in some places and skinny in others.

She’d never even thought about the way she looked before, had never experienced shame...but all of a sudden, Foolidaria felt like she had something to be embarrassed about.

On top of that, Blootool and Greenutz decided it would be fun to tell all the cyberkids in the neighborhood that Foolidaria was a robosexual. They called her a robo for short. She didn’t even know what those words meant because they were made up. But it sounded like something bad. They even made up a song about “Foolidaria, the Weird and Ugly Fat and Skinny Orange Robosexual” that everybody started to sing when she walked by. So she started staying inside and avoiding the other robots. But that didn’t make her feel better.

Foolidaria talked to her creator, telling him she no longer wanted to feel emotion because it hurt too much. She asked him to please just rip the emotion chip right out of her core so she could stop crying and feeling so insecure and different from the other robots.

Her creator comforted her, kindly, gently, explaining that he’d given her a heart three times the size of her emotion chip, and a brain center that she could always depend on for wisdom and logic. That, he told her, is why she could never ignore it when someone was being bullied.

He explained that while Foolidaria, like all good robots, would experience some pain, anguish and depression during her existence, unlike Blootool and Greenutz, she would also experience great joy and love and laughter and immeasurable happiness all throughout her life. And, oh, that made Foolidaria feel SO much better! Hope and joy and feelings of goodwill flooded her golden heart and coursed through her circuits!

The creator made Foolidaria understand that bullies are far more miserable and insecure than the robots they try to bully. Cruel, negative, petty tyrant robots are pitiful creatures who hide behind a pretense of power, when, in fact, they are weak and fearful and wretched and unfulfilled. They will never experience true love, joy and inner happiness. They simply can’t.

Because in order to experience true love, joy and happiness, you must give it to others, sincerely, liberally, unconditionally--without strings...without envy...without hidden malice.

And that’s what Foolidaria knew how to do best!

Foolidaria wants you to know that you are better, stronger, and more powerful than any of the bullies or hardships in your life. You have the power to rise above, to conquer your fears, to push past the hurt and reach for the stars...because your name is written there...just like hers.

--Super Earthling…roger wilco, over and out

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