This isn’t the post I had planned for today. The post I’ve been working on is much longer, with lots of nice, funny drawings. I’m sorry, but until I have recovered from the effects of my most recent malady, a serious case of unintentional food-related self-injury stupidity, this little post will have to suffice. The only reason I’m even posting today is because I’m a deeply altruistic, hugely responsible and caring adult, whose only interest is the benefit and wellbeing of mankind…and bloggerkind. Therefore, I would like to take this opportunity to make a public service announcement:
You may be wondering exactly how it is that I came to be aware of the above cautionary statement. As with most lessons learned, personal experience is by far the best teacher.
The first traumatizing occurrence happened at dinner while I was blissfully enjoying some of my delicious homemade tacos. I’m a great cook who’s also a foodaholic, therefore this delicious meal should have been a time of tremendous pleasure and heartfelt elation. But instead…
Yes. Yes, it was just as horrid as you can possibly imagine. Have you ever heard your eyeball scream? Trust me, it’s not a pretty sound. I was deeply chagrined to say the least.
My chipotle chagrin created more agony than most human beings endure in a lifetime…so you’d think, wouldn’t you, that I deserved a break after suffering such eye-blistering angst.
Ha!
Later that night as I relaxed in front of the TV, whining both internally and externally about how unfair life is and how I’ve had way more than my share of chagrin to deal with, I decided to soothe my flaming eyeball torment. Like any card-carrying foodaholic worth their salt, I chose to ease my pain by enjoying a tasty snack. Oh my God, oh my God…OH MY GOD!!!
The sensation of salt seeping into my already chipotle-wounded eyeballs created such soul-searing pain that I could never begin to explain the deep, dark, torturous level of my chagrin.
Did this really happen, you may be wondering. Did Susan, Super Earthling, honestly and truly lose her mind and travel to the land of idiocy not once but twice on the same night?
Yes. And I have the scorched, salty eyeballs to prove it.
--Super Earthling…roger wilco, over and out
NOTE: If this post brought a smile to your day, please share it and help spread the word to everyone on the planet about Super Earthling. Thanks!
Ouch. And more ouch.
ReplyDeleteMy smaller portion made a Malaccan Devil's Curry. Once. Among other ingredients it called for forty chilis. He told me it gave him a whole new appreciation of the term 'burning ring of fire'.
Thanks. :) And I totally forgive you for making me have to google Malaccan Devil's Curry because now I've found a delicious-sounding new recipe to try! Yay! Hmmm...I wonder if I can do it wearing oven mitts? ;-)
DeleteOh god.. I have the eyes from hell so I feel your pain girl..
ReplyDeleteRest up and get better.
Thanks. I actually managed to get through breakfast without further injury, so that's positive. :D
DeleteAwesome.. BTW at first glance I thought your chillies were chocolate coated mice, with sprinkles. lol.
DeleteMy husband thought they were mice too. LOL
Deleteo.m.g
ReplyDeletei hope you get better soon.
chili in the eyes cant be good - i should know!
hugs
Thanks, Jaya. Yup, anyone who's had the experience knows it's no fun. :-o
DeleteReminds me of the time I just HAD to help my Dad with some Italian hot peppers. Seed. In. The. Eye. I feel your pain, sister!
ReplyDeleteOMG, Gracelyn, the seeds are the pain makers! :-o Hard way to learn a lesson, isn't it?
DeleteHey, and you know what else you shouldn't handle after chipotle peppers? Because I do.
ReplyDeleteYikes! Every guy who reads your comment is going to cringe, Jim. LOL
DeleteMy husband and I both love chilly, I have done this to myself often but you win. Never twice in one chilli-ing
ReplyDeleteYes, I seem to have a special knack for double dose stupidity, Vivian! LOL
DeleteOOOWWWW. That must hurt. But now I'm curious: how many different types of eyeballs can there be? I think I must conduct an experiment. I shall bribe the lowly undergrads with the promise of extra credit to be my minions. Muwahahahaha! Feel better.
ReplyDeleteNow that would make one truly fascinating blog post! But it might not make you too popular with the undergrads. LOL
DeleteThanks! :)
I once chopped a bunch of jalapeños and then decided to take my contacts out. I know the pain of which you speak ;)
ReplyDeleteOh, oh, OH!!! Pish, that must have burned like a *insert VERY bad word here* :-o
DeleteI find your chagrin very amusing. ;)
ReplyDeleteI also feel sorry, but not quite to the same extent. I guess that makes me a bad person.
No, not at all, Nat. The best humor, unfortunately, stems from pathos...and brother, was I ever steeped in pathos! LOL
DeleteI believe you have just discovered the best interrogation tool EVER! Forget the waterboarding and the Chinese water torture. Hope you are all better now.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your Facebook comment, Cathy. No worries about being anonymous--and you're not "techno brain dead" LOL
DeleteOh you're so right about the interrogation method! Any investigator using chipotle-pistachio interrogation methods would get confessions like THAT *snap* :)
I've been there. Oh, the humanity!!
ReplyDelete(Hope you're seeing things a little more clearly now.)
I know! What I see most clearly is what an idiot I am. LOL
DeleteOh my!!! How terrible. I liked Jim's comment up there....at least you ONLY touched your eyes. ; )
ReplyDeleteI know--thank God for that! Can you imagine? I never want to have to draw a scorched vagina. LOL
Delete*Winces in horror as she reads*. Hope your eyes recover soon!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Alaina! They're feeling less saltified this morning. :)
DeleteOwwww...I never have truly had the intention of ingesting these foods (because I'm sensitive to hot, spicy peppers and allergic to nuts), but your much-chagrined PSA has only further cemented that. o_O
ReplyDeleteDid you put ice on top of your eyelids to sooth them?
-Barb the French Bean
I'm sorry--it sucks to have food sensitivities and allergies. I'm lactose intolerant, but at least I don't have to worry about burning my eyeballs with milk. LOL
DeleteI flushed my eyes with water, which helped a lot.
ok - you are truly hilarious! thanks for being a blogger that is unique. i'll be hanging out here a ton!!!! THANK YOU!!!
ReplyDeleteAnd thank you for making my day! I really love hearing that--it makes all the horrific eye pain almost worth it. LOL
DeleteAre there such things as "eyeball hexes"? Some mysterious force is out to get your peepers burning. I feel your pain...well...not really feeling it so much but...you get my drift. Sorry for the burned/scorched eyeballs. I might actually see you in the Land of Idiocy. I am traveling to Crazy Town today and it is right down the road.
ReplyDeleteYes, that's it' Cheryl. It wasn't my stupidity at all--it was an evil eyeball hex someone put on me! Love it. LOL
DeleteI'm always glad to be joined in my idiocy and craziness...it makes me feel a lot less alone. ;-)
Okay, leave my own little eyeball/some-things-don't-mix experience behind ... I have a picture somewhere of my niece (around 3 years old) helping me make spaghetti ... only the picture is of her rubbing her eyes after she had rubbed her eyes after putting the onions in the pan .... Thanks for the grins Duchess!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteOh no! I've done that with onions many times and it can sting like hell. But so much worse for a little tyke--who'll probably develop a dreaded fear and hatred of onions as an adult.
DeleteLAWD, you poor thing. Sure hope you are feeling better. I always find that peppers come out hotter than when they went in anyway. WHEW!!!!!
ReplyDeleteIsn't that the truth? I had no trouble at all while preparing them--probably because I was being careful. The big surprise came when I was eating them and forgot to be cautious. :(
DeleteOWIES!! So sorry to hear of your injuries, Super Earthling! I hope you get to feeling better. This is the time of year when the pollen in the air makes us rub our eyes more than we like. I too have had my experience with hot peppers in the eye. It hurts! No lie!!
ReplyDeleteThanks--and oh, you are so spot on about the pollen, Diane! I never had that problem when we lived in Chicago. After moving to Portland a decade ago. my husband, daughter and I have been besieged with itchy, teary eyes because of all the pollen out here.
DeleteWOWCH!!! Step away from the salty and hot foods. Dang keep those hands away from your fac :) Feel better!
ReplyDeleteTell me about it. I just hope I've learned my lesson from this because I do NOT want a repeat. Thanks. :)
DeleteOuch! My eyes are watering just from reading this. Hope you're feeling better. :)
ReplyDeleteThanks, Dana! It's better today, but still stings. That's okay, I totally deserve it for being such a dumbass. ;-)
DeleteMaybe you should wear snazzy goggles when you prepare food or eat that way your eyeballs will be safe from attack. Actually, I'm a bit surprised you don't already wear some form of eye protection, being a Super Earthling and all. I thought goggles came with the cape... :)
ReplyDeleteExcellent suggestion! :) You'd think, wouldn't you, Heather, that being Super Earthling I would have been a lot smarter. Ha! I'm going to have to check my closet to see if any of my super gear includes super goggles.
DeleteWow I can't even think of a bright side to this situation. Twice in one night? I think someone's put a hex on you.
ReplyDeleteHoly shit that Cheryl dame and I must be like soulmates or something. That's uncanny.
ReplyDeleteAh, see? With both you and Cheryl saying it, that means it must be true. It wasn't my stupidity at work after all--it was a damnable hex!
DeleteBest explanation I've heard all day. :D
Some times it takes a building to fall on us before we learn; sounds like you needed two- hahaha!
ReplyDeleteYou're halarious, Super Earthling!
Hope your weekend is filled with fairness and joy!
http://bettyalark.blogspot.com
Oh yeah, definitely--two buildings plus a baseball bat upside my head. LOL
DeleteThank you, Betty! :)
I think it's pretty obvious that somebody less Super, probably would have died from this. ;)
ReplyDeleteI haven't had this ever happen but i have had a welders flash. (which is essentially staring at the sun from 3 feet away)it's like having sand on your eyeballs for about 3 days. Hope the recovery time is short.
That's exactly what I was thinking, Ken. My super powers clearly saved me from a terrible fate. :D
DeleteOuch--that sounds nasty! My husband had a couple of work-related incidents involving his eyes in the past too. At least you guys have reasonable excuses for your misery.
My ex did that one time with habinero (or however you spell it) peppers. I had never used them, since I'm allergic, but my dad had given him some homegrown ones. Anyway, he was cutting them up and cooked them into a burger. About an hour later, not thinking about the fact that he had cut them up, he wiped his eye and...well...I'm pretty sure there was fire involved. Or that he had found the way to make homemade mace. Either way, he rolled around on the ground, hands shoved into his face, screaming at the top of his lungs. I have to admit that I was laughing hysterically while trying to grab him and pouring milk in his eyes. The bad part about this story? About half an hour after we got his eyes settled down, he forgot, in all the confusion, that he hadn't washed his hands yet and wiped his eyes again. Yep, it really happened.
ReplyDeleteOh no, Sonja! Your poor husband--that sounds just awful! :-o
DeleteOn the bright side...at least you had a good chuckle. LOL
Good lord woman!! The only thing missing from this story was you accidentally poking yourself in the eye with a fork or toothpick or something.;)
ReplyDeleteIn all seriousness, I hope your eyes feel better very soon. *hugs*
I know! My husband has already told me I'm no longer allowed to handle sharp utensils while eating, so I think I'll be able to avoid any eye stabbings. LOL
DeleteHugs accepted--thanks! :)
I am nursing the sorest mouth ever, yet all I crave it citrus... I know your pain! I will eat oranges and scream as it burns every last canker... coldsore... inflamed taste bud and I will feel better knowing I am not the only sillyton who does this shit to herself... you poor thing
ReplyDeleteLove Elle xo
Citrus burns something awful if you get it in your eyes, or on a cut, etc. You sound like my daughter, Elle. She's wild about lemons. She'll eat then straight and she even likes lemon juice straight from the bottle. Even thinking about it makes my liver curdle. LOL
DeleteHope your mouth is better soon!
You are creative, funny and a joy to read. Remember to not only wash your hands before eating, but wash them afterward as well ;-)
ReplyDeleteThank you! That's so nice to hear. And I promise to wash my hands before and after eating from now on. Cross my heart. ;-)
DeleteGreat drawings as always...might I recommend latex gloves, just remove them before touching your eyes. PS get the non-powder lined ones or you really will just trade one pain for another. Pretty funny post.
ReplyDeleteThanks very much, Chuck!
DeleteThe gloves are a good idea. I'll be sure to avoid the powdered ones because I definitely don't want to have to write any more eye malady posts like this one. LOL
Milk! A milk eyebath works wonders. I've used it on chilli eye burn. I wish I'd known the remedy when I wiped my toddlers bum after chopping chillies - yes it went through the paper...
ReplyDeleteThanks, Julie! I never have milk in the house...I wonder if almond milk would work as well? I'm hoping this doesn't happen again but if it does, I'll grab the almond milk and give it a try. :)
DeleteOh, poor you and poor baby! You must have felt terrible when that happened. I'm betting you had a pretty cranky toddler the rest of that day. :-o
Oh, dear! I certainly hope you've learned to keep your hands away from your eyes!
ReplyDeleteBy the way, I LOVE your blog and your quirky sense of humor. :)
Oh, Jaq, I certainly hope so too! LOL
DeleteThanks so much for your kind words--truly appreciated. :)
I remember in Martinique I picked up the wrong pepper. Being from Co. I figured no one could make any thing hotter that what I'm used to eating. Wrong. My intestines turned into a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulphuric flames. It hurt so bad that after a while I couldn't even feel my lips. I futilely looked for a snow cone to sit on and put my face in my hands. Bad move. Immediately I was writhing on the ground. Battery acid might have lessened the pain. All the French people were laughing at me. That vacation was a mockery of a travesty of a sham. I feel your pain. Very expressive pics. Enjoyed the post.
ReplyDeleteOh no! What an awful experience, especially on your vacation! :-o Peppers are sneaky, dangerous things!
DeleteGlad you enjoyed the post, Dan--thanks. :)
So I've done both the pepper and the salt thing. Does that make me as super as you? Nah...I've read some of your previous posts and you're way more superior to moi! Love your blog and I'm your latest follower and yes I do comment as often as I can. I mean we do deserve validation, right? Thanks for stopping by my blog and signing up! Looking forward to much blog enjoyment with vous!
ReplyDeleteHugs~
I'm sorry about your previous pepper and salt experiences--but I'm sorry, Sush, but no one can be as super as me. :)
DeleteI love that you love my blog--that makes my eyes feel better than flushing them with water! :D Glad to have you on board. I look forward to returning to your blog to browse and comment. Thanks!
Ouch! Did Mr. Super Earthling give you any sympathy?
ReplyDeleteYes, he's terrific, Blessed Mama. Well, he WAS terrific after he stopped laughing (I did a fair amount of whooping & hollering and crazy dancing, if I recall--LOL) and after he stopped chastising me repeatedly. :D
DeleteThat first illustration of you with your red, teary eyes is so sad! I would add to your list: don't touch your eyes after you've chopped up fresh hot peppers. Gah!
ReplyDeleteOh Stephanie--it appears that you have firsthand experience. Not at all a pleasant experience, is it? :(
DeleteGloves, gloves, gloves. Wash, wash, wash your hands. Sometimes even a small speck of the peppers will linger on your fingers and then when you put in contact lenses, not pretty.
ReplyDeleteGloves--absolutely! Washing hands--absolutely! Being a grown woman who is savvy enough to warn her husband and daughter of such things, that I'd be smart enough to take my own advice, wouldn't you? LOL
DeleteI'm ever so thankful that I don't wear contacts because that would have been murder! :-o
I have a Liebster blog award for you if you'd like to accept it! Thank you for following! Here's the link Flash Fiction Liebster Blog Award
ReplyDeleteThank you for honoring me, Li!
DeleteI've received a number of these and other awards from my very kind readers recently. I truly, sincerely appreciate it and always do my infamous Super Earthling Dance of Joy in celebration! :D
Oh no! Your poor eyeballs! Maybe you should try cucumbers on them. I hope they recover!
ReplyDeleteCucumbers, milk, rubber gloves...it looks like I need to make a special shopping list just in case of future stupidity-caused emergencies. For someone like me, it's probably not a bad idea. LOL
DeleteThanks, Sherry! :)
I HAVE heard my eyeball scream and it was a terrifying incident. It screams every time I try to shove my contacts in there. And when I look at Christina Agulara.
ReplyDeleteOh man, Marianna, I don't even want to think what it would have been like if I had to wear contacts. The thought of putting something in my eyes with or without peppers isn't at all pleasant. :-o
DeleteAs for Christina--I believe she's really Paris Hilton undercover. :)
Ouch! That's what they use in pepper spray, you know. Seriously, sounds like something I'd pull. Having missed out on that particular pleasure, I'll attempt to learn from the mistakes of others...
ReplyDeleteWe are fellow followers of Joe's 70s Child blog. We are also fellow writers; the only thing really seperating us seems to be the fact that you have talent. It took them quite a while, but once the publishing industry finally convinced me that I wasn't going to be the next Stephen King, I put it aside, and only write for my grandchildrens' legacy.
Consider this my invitation to a fellow free spirit to visit me at www.jackshideout.weebly.com. I'm not trying to collect a body count; you can't even sign up to follow over there. I just think you might enjoy some of what I'm offering, and would love to have you visit.
Be safe, and have fun... And you figure out how to make those compatable, give me a call!
Yup, it was pretty much the way I'd imagined being pepper sprayed would feel. :-/
DeleteI greatly appreciate the compliment but must take issue with you. No one lacks talent...I can see yours right in the comment you left here. And the publishing industry? Heck, they've snuffed out the dreams of far too many. If it's your dream to be published, Jack, it's never too late. If, on the other hand, you're truly happy writing for your grandkids instead, then I say go for it. Because happiness is what it's all about. :)
I love the 70s child blog. So glad you found me there. I look forward to checking out your site, Jack! :D
I am always cooking spicy foods, so I feel your pain, or I have. Food can be a little jerk. Just last week I poisoned my mother. I was trying to prove how much better a vegan diet is that whatever the hell diet she had going on. I made a delicious raw food shake for her, and she drank it. She loved it. Five hours later, she had to be driven to the emergency room.
ReplyDeleteHoly cow, Nellie! What the heck did you put in that smoothie? LOL
DeleteI'm always experimenting with diet for health reasons. I ate 100% vegan for about 1 1/2-years and really enjoyed it. It was easy for me because I've never met a vegetable I didn't like. While I did encounter did some digestive problems, I never had to go to the ER. :-o You really have me curious now!
My my, you ARE a glutton for punishment, aren't you?!?! But I see you have all sorts of adventures yet to come with curry powder, too much pepper and other noxious herbs ...
ReplyDeleteYes, it appears that way, doesn't it. LOL
DeleteAs for further adventures with noxious herbs...thanks so much for giving me something to aspire to, RNO! ;-)
Last week I put in my contacts after cutting onions. I had not washed my hands good enough. It was awful.
ReplyDeleteOuch! I'll bet you had your share of screaming eyeball going on too, Brett! :-o
DeleteOuch! Your poor eyes!
ReplyDeleteThanks! I'm feeling SO much better today. :)
DeleteThanks
ReplyDeleteThank you for stopping by and commenting! :)
DeleteOh my goodness Super Earthling you're exactly everything Cherri said you were (funny too ... ha ha). Thanks for the laughs.
ReplyDeleteI had a similar experience after I'd rubbed hubby's sore back with Dencorub!
Delighted that you found me, Susan! I'm glad my blog brought a smile to your day. :)
DeleteIf Dencorub is anything like Bengay, all I can say is OUCH! :-o
Bwahahahahaha! I totally feel your pain! I'm super allergic to cats but Dr Em's Chloe has decided I'm her favorite and always cuddles up to me and I let her...then touch my eye! Hello giant red bug eye. I scold Chloe and in a few hours the swelly, itchy, madness calms down and I find myself playing with Chloe again! It's a vicious cycle...
ReplyDeletePrincess WeeWee
Aw, you're very sweet for letting Chloe cuddle up to you when you're allergic to cats--but what happens to your eye after contact doesn't sound at all pleasant! :-o
DeleteI'm like that kid that tries the Red Hot candy, spits it out and cries b/c it's so hot and two minutes later decide to try it again, hey it is candy after all. I think I may have a problem. :p
DeletePrincess WeeWee
We share the same problem, I do the same thing with Red Hots and also with those hot cinnamon atomic fireball jawbreakers. Yeow! But so good! LOL
DeleteThanks for following me! I've now read two posts and I'll be back. Perfect way to take a break from the various traumatic ongoings at work! Adios--Mike
ReplyDeleteMy pleasure, Mike--I really like your blog and will be over there to comment soon! :) Delighted that you enjoy my blog--thanks for letting me know. :D
DeleteOK, so I am a little late to the game... still catching up on old posts! Did I ever tell you about the time I managed to put in my contact lens, but somehow got toothpaste underneath first? Yeah.... that stung a little, and I had minty fresh eyeballs for DAYS.
ReplyDelete